Why might some friends be so quick to judge others? to judge you? It’s possible that they have developed a sort of critical reflex to process the world around them, after being conditioned to pass judgment on anything and everything that comes their way.

Especially when it’s difficult for them to relate or understand the actions of others, these folks tend to opt out of curiosity, and spare no mercy on the negative narrative they construct about others, in order to make sense of someone much too different from themselves. Even uglier is when they feel threatened by the success of others, so they resort to judgment or gossip to assure their own social standing. Out of fear, they may spread these tales they artfully create.

Coming across these sensational stories are unsettling and painful for the target. In some cases, the discovery may even motivate the victim to expend an exorbitant amount of energy towards disproving the rumors–even becoming overly vigilant of actions or statements that once came naturally to them. Ultimately, they become self-conscious of any potential move that may feed the false narrative.

The opinions we must truly value are from friends who assume the best of us, those who ask questions to learn more about us, and those who would never “fill in the blanks” with hearsay to satisfy their fear of the unknown. Essentially, friends should lift you up for the world to see, especially when you shine.

Alternatively, enabling ‘friends’ who partake in excessive judgment or gossip about you will drain you even further, i.e. making excuses for them, “maybe i’m just being dramatic”. Sometimes, a courageous conversation can do the trick to address the issue because, while not excusable, this behavior may be so automatic for them that they don’t even realize the weight of their words. But oftentimes, their misery is engrained and these habits are tough to reverse. And in those cases, it’s important to take care of yourself by considering the process of letting go.

So, take stock…if you find yourself managing the aftermath of your friend’s judgments time and time again, the exhaustion is not worth your energy. It drives you away from your true self, your goals and your growth. Instead, surround yourself with friends who support you with enthusiasm and in turn, elevate you.