What is Rejection Sensitivity?

We have an intrinsic need to belong, to be accepted.

And when the approval we seek is shunned, we flail. Bottom line? Rejection is agonizing! It tricks us into questioning our abilities, our likeableness, our worth. It even affects us physically by slowing down our heart rate when we experience its wrath.

Over time, without the right coping in place, we may develop a paralyzing fear of rejection that clouds our perception. This causes us to relentlessly search for hints of exclusion or signs of disapproval in our everyday lives (even imagining them when they don’t even exist)! We begin to ignore sound explanations and instead, distort messages from others and assume they have hurtful intent.

How Rejection Sensitivity Affects Relationships

A hypersensitive radar for rejection drives us into protection mode. Controlled by self-doubt, we are prompted to avoid, overreact, or do “whatever it takes” to win approval. These patterns are especially toxic to romantic relationships.

The rejection-sensitive commonly ruminate about a partner’s behavior b/c they have serious difficulty taking words/actions at face value and instead, a tendency to assume deeper meanings or hidden motives.

This self-imposed distrust can lead to a mixed bag of relationship negatives like jealousy, hostility, or submissiveness–breeding grounds for false accusations, excessive conflict, and even emotional/physical victimization.

Coping with Rejection Sensitivity

Rejection sensitivity is real, so what can one do to address it?

Be mindful. Take note of how your body or mind reacts to potential rejection. When these signs pay a visit, choose reflection over reaction.

Instead of interpreting that a friend or loved one is purposefully excluding or hurting you, review the facts! Think of three alternative explanations for their behavior, incl. ones that have nothing to do with you.

If this doesn’t work, kindly ask them about their intent. While this might seem scary, it’s better to take a risk with vulnerability, rather than bouncing back to the damaging past habits of self-doubt and accusation.